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bethofalltrades at 10:39pm on 30/09/2007 under career, fashion, growing up, the princess, work
bethofalltrades at 10:39pm on 30/09/2007 under career, fashion, growing up, the princess, workI feel like I should update.
First of all, thank you all for the love you've sent my way this past week. It helps more than I can possibly say. I will respond to all of your comments when I get a chance to.
I am back in New York. This feels good and right. My vacation to P-town was absolutely amazing, just what I needed, but I was glad to come home on Saturday (yesterday.)
The Princess... my gut tells me this is not over. Not just because I don't want it to be.
But I am being cautious. I am enjoying my time alone. I am bonding with my own apartment. I'm not jumping on a train at a moment's notice just because she wants to see me. I am recognising that there are flaws in her, some of which really bother me-- not the least of which is that when the going got tough, she... went. Is this someone who I can count on in the future?
My own hurt and fear is coloring this entry. I know that I was very happy with her. I know that she is often a kind, generous, warm, loving, thoughtful, funny, intelligent, dynamic person-- even if she can sometimes be selfish, cold, and inconsiderate.
I regret that I am so burned by the past week that I no longer have it in me to leap. When did I become so cautious? I miss fearlessness.
--
In other news, I got a fantastic temp job for the next two weeks-- assistant to the VP of the Rockefeller Foundation. Sure, it's only two weeks, but I'm thrilled. And, for the record, even as a temp gig it pays better than the Food Bank did.
KT helped me put together outfits for the week. She threw things together and I was shocked to find that I can, in fact, look like a grown up. In my skirt-suit, I even look like a corporate whore. The look KT referenced most often for the other outfits was "art gallery owner," usually modified by a word or phrase like "Upper East Side" or "lesbian."
I had no idea I had such fabulous clothes. Of course, most of them came from thrift stores in Ohio and PA back when I visited in April. None of them fit at the time-- I just had a LOT of faith. All the skirts that fit today were size 8s. This I am thrilled about.
--
When I was younger, 12 or 13, I used to look at my mother's senior high school photo and think that she looked like the most beautiful young woman I'd ever seen. I was convinced that I would never have that look: those amazing cheekbones, the classic smile, the impeccable hair.
My hair is far from impeccable, but when I looked in the mirror today while KT was helping me pair a deep purple slim turtleneck with dark gray wide-leg trousers and black heels, I was a young woman. Absolutely shocking. Neat.
Love,
Beth
First of all, thank you all for the love you've sent my way this past week. It helps more than I can possibly say. I will respond to all of your comments when I get a chance to.
I am back in New York. This feels good and right. My vacation to P-town was absolutely amazing, just what I needed, but I was glad to come home on Saturday (yesterday.)
The Princess... my gut tells me this is not over. Not just because I don't want it to be.
But I am being cautious. I am enjoying my time alone. I am bonding with my own apartment. I'm not jumping on a train at a moment's notice just because she wants to see me. I am recognising that there are flaws in her, some of which really bother me-- not the least of which is that when the going got tough, she... went. Is this someone who I can count on in the future?
My own hurt and fear is coloring this entry. I know that I was very happy with her. I know that she is often a kind, generous, warm, loving, thoughtful, funny, intelligent, dynamic person-- even if she can sometimes be selfish, cold, and inconsiderate.
I regret that I am so burned by the past week that I no longer have it in me to leap. When did I become so cautious? I miss fearlessness.
--
In other news, I got a fantastic temp job for the next two weeks-- assistant to the VP of the Rockefeller Foundation. Sure, it's only two weeks, but I'm thrilled. And, for the record, even as a temp gig it pays better than the Food Bank did.
KT helped me put together outfits for the week. She threw things together and I was shocked to find that I can, in fact, look like a grown up. In my skirt-suit, I even look like a corporate whore. The look KT referenced most often for the other outfits was "art gallery owner," usually modified by a word or phrase like "Upper East Side" or "lesbian."
I had no idea I had such fabulous clothes. Of course, most of them came from thrift stores in Ohio and PA back when I visited in April. None of them fit at the time-- I just had a LOT of faith. All the skirts that fit today were size 8s. This I am thrilled about.
--
When I was younger, 12 or 13, I used to look at my mother's senior high school photo and think that she looked like the most beautiful young woman I'd ever seen. I was convinced that I would never have that look: those amazing cheekbones, the classic smile, the impeccable hair.
My hair is far from impeccable, but when I looked in the mirror today while KT was helping me pair a deep purple slim turtleneck with dark gray wide-leg trousers and black heels, I was a young woman. Absolutely shocking. Neat.
Love,
Beth
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