bethofalltrades

I often forget that my boss reads my blog. I also forget that her manager reads my blog and that more than likely other coworkers read my blog.

I forget that I probably shouldn't be honest, because these are people who could and probably should and perhaps do judge me by the things I write here.

I find myself fighting the impulse to censor or to apologize. This blog would be insufferable if I started saying, "But, really, it's for dramatic effect, I'm not ACTUALLY this crazy, I'm just a storyteller."

That's never been the way I roll. I'm honest, even if what I'm saying is only true the second I'm saying it. Amanda likes to tell me that I'm goth, but I'm way more emo. I'll admit it. I'm an up and down, all over the map, blissful highs with excruciating lows, overly dramatic kind of girl.

Does that make me unprofessional? Does this blog make me unprofessional? I certainly don't share company secrets, but I do share a lot of myself. Even the ugly, messy parts. Should I be trying harder to make people think that I'm perfect, with everything under control at all times?

... as if any person who has met me for even a second would believe that fiction.

---

You know what's emo? Quoting song lyrics. But it's that kind of moment.

If I can love somebody who don't know just yet that she loves me, I would be the grateful, the great empty.
-- The Grateful, Kate Morrissey

Applause, applause, three cheers for the lost cause... fragile, flawed, shining center stage.
-- Lost On Me, Abby Ahmad

I opened the fire door to four lips, none of which were mine, kissing...
-- Fire Door, Ani DiFranco

And I am finally seeing why I was the one worth leaving.
-- The District Sleeps Alone Tonight, The Postal Service

Yes, it hurts like hell, I'm gonna do it anyway, there are no brakes on this ride, it's just the way that I was made...
-- Hurts Like Hell, Kim Vermillion

Look me in the eye, and tell me you don't find me attractive...
-- Where Does The Good Go, Tegan and Sara

I wanna lay my head down on you
because you're the only solid thing in this room
a room full of missed chance, slow dance, cold fate, heartache
I showed up for a party and saw my life story full view
-- Lay My Head Down, Indigo Girls

I live like a fresman
I still have a roommate
I even moved to Brooklyn
I still need a roommate
-- Freshman, Jill Sobule

I don't want to be your friend
Just take off your clothes and get into my bed
-- 12 Bellevue, Kathleen Edwards

She's the kind of girl who gets her slings and arrows from the dumpster. The kind who tells you she's bipolar just to make you trust her.
-- Dirty Business, Amanda Palmer


Whew. Wow. I'm really gay, huh?

Love,
Beth

And you know I'd like to do just what you say, but I'm trapped inside this body and I'll have to do this my own way...
-- Oui Tap Dance, Kate Morrissey