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posted by [personal profile] bethofalltrades at 03:33am on 12/03/2009 under , , ,
My mother says, why don't you post, you had such an interesting weekend. I blinked into the darkness of my room and asked, "Why do you say that? What did I do?"

I honestly could not remember what I did four days ago.

I saw Margaret Cho in New Jersey with Amanda's manager Emily and her interns Kristan and Katrina (yes, the same Katrina who accompanies me on bagel adventures.) That was good. Em rented the car and I drove and on the way we talked mostly about work. Said hello to Margaret afterward, and met Ian Harvie and Selene Luna, both of whom are hilarious and friendly. Wore a vest and a jacket and jeans and looked the gayest I've ever looked. Wore my glasses and looked like my mother.

The night before that I met Olga at the airport, where she had a seven hour layover after having been refused entry to the UK. She'd been traveling for more than 30 hours. I took her to a diner and we talked about life.

A few hours before that I saw the umbrella girl. She sat on my couch and we ate chinese food and I was not the least bit breathless.

Two days after I saw the umbrella girl I hung around Books of Wonder to hug Neil Gaiman. His father had just died and he signed for seven hours anyway. I met his assistant Kat who is pretty much who I want to be in ((insert inoffensive number of years.)) We compared key tattoos. She has fantastic style. So I hung about and ran into Nathen and chatted and eventually everyone left and I hugged Neil and then I left.

KT and I went to a bar where you get free pizza with every beer and I had three after little sleep and got confessional, like I do, and inquisitive, like I do. She paid for the cab ride home and most of the beer. We hugged a lot.

I live in the same house with her and yet sometimes the distance is broad. I am so caught up in my work that I forget that there is life beyond it. And then Neil Gaiman's father dies and I hover around the edges of a book signing and I remember: oh. Humans. Be human.

I talked to Dakota about my lack of crushes. I bemoaned it. I told her that I am not FEELING and I want to be FEELING and God bless her she did not remind me that the last time I was FEELING I nearly destroyed my career by drinking too much and being dramatic.

Tomorrow I am going with Katrina on an adventure--- she is getting a tattoo from Joy, who did my nemo perit and touched up my key. Friday I'll be in Boston. Saturday I'm back in New York for a celebration of David's birthday. Sunday we're celebrating KT's. Monday I get on a plane to Austin, TX.

I am still struggling with balance.

I tried to do a handstand tonight and could only get one foot off the ground at a time. I think there's a metaphor there. Fear is the lead weight in my heels.

I keep dreaming about fire. In one dream, I burned papers down to my hands until they blistered. In another I crashed a car and it went up in flames, then ran into a nearby building that caught fire spontaneously too. My companion in the dream pleaded with me to make things okay and I held up my hands-- both completely engulfed. Last night it was a plane on fire.

I have been doing truly shitful tarot readings recently. I counted the cards and there were only 77. The eight of cups is AWOL. I'll replace the deck tomorrow. It's good to have a reason for repeatedly missing the mark.

Life is strange. Beautiful too, but strange.

It's worth mentioning that a good woman died three nights ago. Her name was Jennifer and I didn't know her very well, but she was an important member of the Dolls/AFP community. She encouraged young artists. She provided support and feedback and love. There are a lot of people missing her now.

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posted by [personal profile] bethofalltrades at 07:46pm on 25/12/2008 under , , ,
My friend Steven wrote a summary of his year.

I want to do that.

At the bottom, he wrote messages to specific people.

Beth - I hope you're chasing your dreams.. you've got the key already.. you don't need to seek it.

Yes. I have the key. But I'm standing in a room looking around and every single inch of wall is covered with doors.

I can't see my dreams for all the possibilities.

The Princess used to criticize me. "But what are your GOALS," she'd ask. "You're so smart and you're so talented, but you don't have any direction! You need to make a plan."

My plan is to do cool projects with cool people.

My goal is to make art in many forms.

My dream is to make people happy.

My purpose is to love.


My goal is to make art in many forms.

Two nights ago, I made this:

It needs to be re-done as that chain was much more complicated to work with than I thought it would be and got a little twisty. I am really happy with it, though. It's Frankenstein jewelry, made of little things I've collected over the years. I need more broken jewelry to cannibalize. I want to make many, many more of these and give them to everyone I love.

I love this key. I BOUGHT it, it's not something special that was given to me.

I drew this lock as part of a present for someone. I burned the edges of the paper and then photographed it on some book pages (cut out of another project in process):

I haven't drawn anything in ten years. I am really happy with how it turned out.

More art. More art and more love. This is the dream.

And I am following it.

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posted by [personal profile] bethofalltrades at 08:15pm on 09/12/2008 under , ,
I had a dream recently... in the dream, I had a new tattoo.

The last time this happened, I got the tattoo three days later. Impulsively.

Before that dream, keys were interesting trinkets, random objects I held on to long after they served their purpose because I liked old things that had no use.

The dream created a tattoo. The tattoo created a project.

The project changed my life in more ways than I can count.


But this isn't about keys, it's about new tattoos.

I'd been contemplating my next one--- "Nemo perit." It means "No one dies." It's not immortality, it's the concept that if I fuck up, no one dies. I am not a brain surgeon. I remind myself of this fact on an almost daily basis.

But a few weeks ago (the night of the NYC show), I had a dream. And in this dream, I had a tattoo on my shoulder.

And so it shall be. I'm not sure WHEN, but it will happen. Because after what happened the last time, there's no telling what will happen next.

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posted by [personal profile] bethofalltrades at 02:38pm on 26/10/2008 under
I had a dream last night that I'd choked on a pearl. A doctor came and listened to my lungs. "Oh, it's right here," he said, tapping the left side of my ribcage. "We'll schedule surgery immediately."

I woke up and felt strange. I coughed, several times. Something was expelled. It went flying across the room and bounced on the hardwood floor, finally rolling to a stop by the couch.

What have I been doing in the middle of the night?
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posted by [personal profile] bethofalltrades at 11:42pm on 29/09/2008 under
I had a very strange dream last night.

There is sex. FYI. )
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posted by [personal profile] bethofalltrades at 02:14am on 01/07/2008 under , ,
Two days ago I had a dream. In this dream, a key was tattooed on my arm.

A friend told me of her dream two weeks ago. She said the woman told her, "Mary Jo... You have to find new ways to open doors."

Six months ago today I met Amanda Palmer. It was the beginning of the rest of my life.

And so is this.




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