bethofalltrades: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] bethofalltrades at 09:40pm on 24/03/2009 under ,
So tour happened. Five days in Austin for SXSW, two nights with a day in between in Houston and two days and two nights in New Orleans.

The night we drove to Houston I had so many brilliant ideas in the quiet after Amanda fell asleep, but I was driving and couldn't blog. Better probably. I had an incredible moment as I drove past miles and miles of flat lands and scrub in silence: silence does not exist in my life. My brain went in to hyperdrive almost as soon as we were out of town, flashing random thoughts and going on epic tangents and spinning itself in circles. It was uncomfortable. But then, 20 miles in to the silence, it stilled and opened. I felt like a human being again.

I think more silence in my life is called for. I was surprised at how fast and hard the neurons started firing as soon as the quiet settled in. They'd been built up a long time and as soon as they had room they went nuts. My brain is a mouse that lives in a cage the size of your hand. It escapes into the middle of a field and runs in circles. It goes nuts from the expanse of freedom and the lack of noise.

Amanda says she doesn't want to be a human camera, documenting every moment of life. I'm a little guilty of that... blog, Twitter, the ever-present camera.

Except the camera is no longer ever-present. I lost it in the venue in New Orleans. The camera, two lenses and an 8 gig memory card half full of shots from Austin.

Maybe that's life's way of pointing out to me that I shouldn't always view the world through the safe confines of a viewfinder. Put the camera down, Beth. Oh, wait, you won't? Then I'll put it down for you.

I'm sad. Eventually I'll scrape together the money to replace the camera, but the photos that were lost... some were really beautiful.

During my angsty college years, I listened to the Rent soundtrack over and over. There was one particular line that always panged and dug deep into my torso:

Why am I the witness-- and when I capture it on film, will it mean that it's the end and I'm alone?

I am, for the first time in six years, without camera.

I am a camera.

Love,
Beth

Reply

From:
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
User
Account name:
Password:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
Subject:
HTML doesn't work in the subject.

Message:

 
Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.

Links

April

SunMonTueWedThuFriSat
      1
 
2 3
 
4
5
 
6 7
 
8
 
9
 
10
 
11
12 13
 
14
 
15
 
16
 
17
 
18
 
19
 
20
 
21
 
22 23 24
 
25
 
26
 
27 28
 
29
 
30